The good, the bad, and the awkward silence

 

Intro

You're job searching. You've had a great call with a recruiter. Maybe even two. They swear they'll get back to you.

And then… nothing.

No call. No explanation. No "hey, the role closed" or "sorry, they're no longer interested." Poof.
Welcome to getting ghosted.

It happens more often than it should. But that doesn't mean it's a requirement for you. If you've gotten ghosted in your history, don't sweat it, you're not alone. The good news? There are some fantastic recruiters out there, too. You just need to know how to identify them, and how to work with them without wasting your time.

What a Good Recruiter Actually Does

Let's start with what it's supposed to be.

A good recruiter will not string you along. They'll tell you about the job. They'll ask smart questions. They'll pay attention to what you tell them. They'll give you information about the company, and they won't disappear once it goes silent on the client's side.

This is what you'll usually discover:

  • They get to the point, pronto
  • They call without you having to stalk them
  • They give you real information, not just the salary and title
  • They let you know when it's slow, and they don't leave you guessing

They won't try to force you into a job that's not for you either. If the situation feels off for either side, they'll let you know. The truth can sometimes hurt, but it saves everyone’s time, and that's meaningful for both parties.

Why Recruiters Ghost in the First Place

It’s not you. Sometimes the job just disappears, and the employer doesn't respond any more. Or the recruiter gets reassigned to other jobs.

But sometimes, it can just be laziness.

Some recruiters are commission-motivated or overworked. Some are just too busy and forget to send you a message of rejection, so you just never hear back. If their communication has red flags from the start, it isn't going to get any better.

So no, it's not your fault. But it is a good sign to move on.

Set Expectations Early

Here's how to avoid most of the problems: lay it out upfront.

Just ask simple, upfront questions like, "How often do you typically check in during a process?" or "What is the best way to keep in touch?" It sets the tone.

Also,

  • Be stern about what you want and what you'll pass along
  • Inform them how you prefer to be contacted: call, text, email, whatever
  • Get the timeline so you're not left guessing

These are fair, reasonable questions. If they struggle to answer, it’s a good indication they may not be the right recruiter for you.

What to Do If Things Go Quiet

Okay, so you had an amazing conversation, and now you hear nothing. What do you do now?

Hit them once. Maybe twice, with some days between. That's all. If you're stalking someone more than that, throw in the towel. They read your message. If they didn't respond, they chose not to.

Don't make it into second-guessing yourself. It probably has nothing to do with your resume or how you answered that one interview question. Most ghosting is due to something changed on their end, not because you screwed up.

Warning Signs That You're Wasting Your Time

You can usually tell.

The recruiter is cagey. They might direct you to roles clearly not suitable for you. Maybe they are not allowed to reveal the identity of the client. You don’t hear from them, and weeks later they return with a "new opportunity" that sounds exactly like or similar to the last one.

If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

If they won't even reply back to you after you've talked with them? That's a dealbreaker. You've spent their time. The least they can do is give you an update. If they can't even do that, they don't respect your time, and you don't owe it to them to sit around waiting.

Questions Worth Asking

When things are going well with a recruiter, these are some questions that help you figure out whether or not they're worth hanging on to:

  • What kind of work do you usually do?
  • In the case that this opportunity fails, would you recall me for others?
  • How do you usually communicate with candidates?

They're not "tough" questions, they're straightforward. Good recruiters will be able to answer them. Bad recruiters will avoid answering them.

It's Okay to Walk Away

You can break free from time-wasting recruiters. You don't need to make excuses to anyone about why you're leaving. If it's slimy, or you're getting played out, shut it down.

You've got limited time and energy. Use it with people who treat you with respect.

Last Thought: You Don't Need to Endure Ghosting

Recruiters are supposed to be your advocate, not your secret pen friend.
The experienced ones will treat you as a human being and will respect your time. They will be truthful to you, even if the news is bad. And when they do so? Keep them in your network. Follow up. That's someone you would want to work with again.

And the others? Let them blow away.

You're not asking too much. You are simply being specific about communication, and that's the bare minimum.